My Immortal the revised edition
by Ralof the Spaceraider
Summary: I'm sure you're familiar with the horrible work of crap that is My Immortal? Well, my job is to correct all the misspellings and grammar mistakes, like the true grammar nazi I am. Thanks to Circle Time for the idea, and wish me luck. 9 9
1. Chapter 1

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE; I don't know why I'm doing this. All I can think is that I must be bloody insane. 9_9 All I want to say is, you people from Circle Time should be grateful that I've bothered to translate this for you from taragibble to actual English. I have way too much time on my hands. ;-;

AN: Special fangs (get it? Because I'm gothic?) to my girlfriend (ew, not in that way!) Raven, bloodytearz666 , for helping me with the story and spelling. You rock! Justin, you're the love of my depressing life. You rock too! MCR ROCK!

-

Hi, my name is Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way. I have long, ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches down to my mid-back. My icy blue eyes are like limpid tears. A lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee. (AN: if you don't know who she is, then get the hell out of here!) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's really fucking hot. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin, and I'm also a witch. I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year. This means I'm seventeen, and I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) therefore I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example, today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt with pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was sleeting so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

-

AN: Is it good? Please tell me, fans!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks to Bloodytearz666 for helping me with the chapter! By the way, preps stop flaming my story, ok?

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was sleeting again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pyjamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven, this is you!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long, waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"Oh my fucking God, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah, so?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No! I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied, flirtily.

"Guess what?" he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh my fucking god!" I screamed. I love Good Charlotte. They are my favourite band, besides MCR.

"Well, do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Actual Author's Note: She gasped. She fucking gasped. –headdesk- I hate it when she gasps. I literally scream whenever she does that. Looking from the first couple of chapters, I'd say that it's not that bad. Yet. I mean, occasional spelling mistakes taken into mind, it's not that bad grammatically. YET.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Please can you stop flaming my story, you preps! Otherwise, thanks to the gothic people for the good reviews! THANKS AGAIN, RAVEN! Oh yeah, by the way, I don't own this or the lyrics for Good Charlotte.

On the night of the concert, I put on my black lace-up boots. Underneath them were ripped red fishnet stockings. Then, I put on a black leather mini-dress with a bodice in the style of a corset. I put on matching fishnet gloves. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some Good Charlotte. I painted my nails black and put on a heavy amount of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside, and Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot of cool boys wear it, ok?)

"Hey there, Draco." I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson, whilst we both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own the lyrics to that song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sang, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly, Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than you!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really," I said, "besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs. We also had photographs taken with them. We got Good Charlotte concert t-shirts. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts. Instead, he drove the car into the Forbidden Forest!

Actual Author's Note: -facepalm- the amount of dramatically placed ellipses I've had to remove is unbelievable. At least she didn't gasp this chapter. ;-; I really don't want to edit the next part, 'cause it's the first sex scene of the whole thing. I just keep thinking to myself "It's all for the benefit of Grammar Nazis everywhere" but is it really worth it? Yes. I set myself a task, an I'm going to complete it. –sigh-


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I said stop flaming, ok? Ebony's name is EBONY, not Mary Sue! Draco is so in love with her that he is acting different. They knew each other before, okay?

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness that I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then, Draco suddenly kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took off my top and I took off his clothes. I even took off my bra! He put his erect penis into my snatch, and we had sex for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed, as I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then . . .

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?"

It was Dumbledore!

Actual Author's Note: SHIT. FUCK. ARSE. TITS. MOTHERFUCK. GASP. JESUS'S MONSTER COCK. VIRGINITY SMASHER FUCKADOODLE FUCK.  
I mean, VENOSAUR!  
This chapter. . . ;-; at least she didn't gasp . I hate it when she gasps. All I can say is that if this is how bad the first sex scene is, how am I going to cope writing another forty four chapters worth? PLEASE, KILL ME NOW. D: Fox, Colbers, you better be happy I'm doing this for you. -.-


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Stop flaming! If you flame, it means you're prep or a poser! The only reason Dumbledore swore is because he had a headache, ok? On top of that, he was mad at them for having sex!  
P.S. I'm not updating until I get five good reviews!

-

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludicrous fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face, as Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle, Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall both of which were looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" Dumbledore yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" questioned Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked: "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said:  
"Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs whilst the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah, I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm, brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress, with red lace trimming and black high heels. When I came out, Draco was standing in front of the bathroom. He started to sing 'I just want to live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, because he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed, after which we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

Actual Author's Note: I APOLOGIZE TO MISTAKES IN PREVIOUS CHAPTERS. I WAS TIRED AND COULDN'T BE BOTHERED EDITING THEM PROPERLY. I hope this one's done okay. ;-;


End file.
